she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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