the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
