I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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