I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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