Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
