Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
