Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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