Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
