First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
