I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
