just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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