wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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