i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
