I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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