And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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