my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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