i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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