if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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