I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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