it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
