I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
