i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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