I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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