Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
