Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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