Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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