we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
