I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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