i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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