Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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