Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
