Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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