I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize