The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it was like his penis was on wheels.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
