Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
