my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's Friday. Sex?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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