Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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