i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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