I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
kristin has been a bad kristin
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
