No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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