my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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