i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
