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i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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