her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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