So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
