I am puke
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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