Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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