Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
