i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She even gives head with a lisp.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
