You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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