It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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