I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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