So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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