Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You can't special order awesome
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
