Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
