i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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