things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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