where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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