you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
