he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
