The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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