My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
