At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
