Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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