I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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