I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
