Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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