Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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