i barfeds in our rink
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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