Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
