I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
