the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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