I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
